Chapter 10 Act Like a Lady~Think Like A Man

This chapter has of course led to thinking. This book is full of tips that most women know. For me it solidified some things. Partially due to where my life is now and looking back at how asking these questions and being sincerely serious would have made a HUGE difference. Mercy!

One thing as women is that we have to first assess where we are trying to go? Are we interested in a dude because he's cute and we just want to "be" with him? Do we see long-term goals? Do we want to just go with the flow and hope that we end up on the top of things? If we really haven't thought about anything, or past next week or next month, how can we really expect a man to do that? We have to be what we expect in life. If we want a man who has goals in life and is reaching for them... do we have goals? are we reaching for them? or are we just getting by until we get that engagement ring?

If we aren't in a position to have positive outlook on relationships we aren't ready to be in one. The flags that come up are there for a reason. Sure some of them may be based off of past relationships and from pain that we never dealt with, but we need to be able to decipher the source. If there are issues in our past relationships that we haven't dealt with, we HAVE to deal with them because it is COMPLETELY unfair to bring another man into our lives with the hopes that they will somehow be better than the last one. We aren't complete because we still have a hole from what they did or did not do.

There are five questions that Steve mentions a woman needs to ask a man. These are all questions that we have heard and have asked before. One thing that makes these questions hard to ask is because we already see the white picket fences before we have gone on the second date so we end up afraid. Anywho... here are the questions and I will lend a quote from each.

these can be asked before the first date...
What are your short-term goals?
"For instance, if he says his dream is to be a producer, but he's not doing anything in the field to actually become one-- he's not interning or working for a film company... he hasn't worked for four months and has no prospects of a job in the field he says he's interested in-- then you know he has a plan. And if he doesn't have a plan he's not going to achieve his short-term goal--or he's just talking out of his behind."

What are your long-term goals?
"Trust me on this: a man who really has a vision for where he wants to see himself in ten years has looked for his future and seriously considered what it'll take for him to get there. It means he has foresight, and he's plotting out the steps to his future."

after a while...
What are your views on relationships?
"Let me be direct: if you meet a man who doesn't have a relationship with God, he doesn't go to church and has no intention of ever going, and he has no belief system e can point to as a guiding force in his life, then it's a problem. After all, what moral barometer does he answer to if not to God? What's going to make him even consider being loyal to you?"

What do you think about me?
"...every man will answer this question the same exact way: "I think you're great, I think you'd make a great mom, you're fun, kind, you're really beautiful, you turn me on, you're energetic, outgoing, a hard worker, very smart. I think you're the kind of woman I could see myself with," all of that generic stuff we know you want to hear. Still, this isn't the answer you should be looking for."

How do you feel about me?
"The I think you're cool answer isn't going to cut it here, ladies. And if, you've asked the question and probed deeper, you realize his feelings for you don't run very deep-- that's he's just not there--then you need to not be there, too. Pump the brakes until you start hearing and feeling from him the things that you think are important to hear and feel from a man with whom you are willing to forge a relationship."


Of course the book goes into depth more so with these questions. If you don't get the right answer to one of these questions and a flag arises... don't ignore it. One thing I've realized with the way this book is done is that it is not just to give you a play-by-play about dudes, but it's there also to get you to look at where you are. I recommend it completely. It's a great read. It's like having your best guy-friend write a book and you can refer to it at any time.